23.6.22

i did it everyone...my final exam is over!! FUCK YOU english i actually had a panic attack so i had to finish it early which is horrible but also good bc i never have to even think about that stupid subject again now i just have to get through this work experience week in july then i am free to do whatever i waaaaant! ^__^OR NOT BECAUSE my mum has also said we are going on a holiday to italy for a week next month. i'm really dreading it because it's going to be so hot, it's already really hot here but it's so much harder to dress in a way that doesn't make me want to unalive myself and she says i'm going to need a swimsuit and stuff fuuuck my life. its just taking away from the time i have where i dont have to deal with people and i can spend online with my friends. i dont want to do stuff like this irl I DONT CARE ABOUT IT !!!!! the fact i have to be around my dad too makes me want to kmssssss ive been able to avoid him bc of the other week even though he tries to talk to me about it i just dont want to talk about it anymore cos it makes me have dissociate on the spot. like listen parents really the only holiday i would ever ever want to go on with you two would be to japan. because they would be the ones to pay for it lol

13.6.22

so haiiii its exam season and im trying not to lose my fucking mind hahhahahahahah!! luckily i only have a few more left but why do they cram like 3 in a day sometimes its so SHIT and why do i have to take like 47834347823783 for english i still have two MORE left english is literally my last exam like why

its been so hot lately >.< which has not been helping with my dysphoria. my mum has been trying to take me to get new clothes but i dont feel comfortable in anything bc of how my body is. nothing sits right i just look wrong and with my legs and arms on show they look so big and disgusting and i dont pass at all and i cut my hair but dhjsgjasdgdghhjfs i hate it i cant wait for autumn.

but yanno im tryna think positive like my mum always says exams are nearly done then guess what i dont have to go outside and have anyone PERCIEVE ME i just have to suffer through work experience which i am not ready for yall where i fucked up my mocks the computing place the careers lady tried to get me into wouldnt take meso i just have it in a local office. its a full day too, 9 - 5 what am i meant to do for that amount of time lol im just gonna sit on my phone